


Alone

by BlooregardJay



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21548014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlooregardJay/pseuds/BlooregardJay
Summary: Jo returns to the Normandy after the mission on Horizon and she can't help but get eaten alive by the altercation with Kaidan. A familiar face winds up joining her in her cabin to console her.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> It's been quite a while since I've written anything but enjoy!

No feelings. No emotion. It was like they were strangers, as if that night they spent together meant nothing to him, as if the nights after Illos meant nothing to him. He was her whole world. She was ready to pour her heart out to him, now that they had time. She regretted not telling him sooner, but now she can and he doesn’t want to hear it. She understands that two years have gone by for him, but it’s as if she’s woken up after a long sleep. Minutes only went by for her, but two long and painful years have dragged by for him. She’s trying so hard to understand, but….She takes another swig, emptying the glass as she grabs the bottle of bourbon from the table to refill her drink. Nothing could’ve prepared her for that. She was so happy to see him, so relieved that he didn’t end up on that Collector ship, but he was so angry. 

_**You turned your back on everything you believed in. You betrayed the Alliance.** _

_**You betrayed me.** _

She downs this glass too, hearing a harsh knock on her door. She turns towards it, taking in a deep breath and look back at her empty glass. She doesn’t want to be alone, but she doesn’t want company either. Before she can even answer the knock, the door opens anyway, Joker stepping through. Her brow furrows as she glaces at him, but just pours another glass instead. “I’ve never actually been up here, I feel honored to be in the captain’s quarters,” he hobbles towards the couch, watching her drink the night away and he sighs. Strongest woman he’s ever known, reduced to this. He knew she was going to be upset, but he never believed he’d see it with his own two eyes. Jo was one of his oldest, closest friends. She had made mentions of him being the equivalent of an annoying younger brother to her as just a joke, but he took that as a compliment because she was the violent older sister he doesn’t ever want to see upset or let down. There’s a first for everything.

“I locked the door before I settled in for the night.” Her words were flat and cold as she just sipped her drink this time instead of downing it. He sits next to her, shrugging as he grabs the bottle, taking a quick chug. Best to prepare for this.

“I got a tip from a friend that you were sulking up here, so she helped me out,” She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, a tiny smile breaking on her lips. It’s something, at least. Joker magic is what he liked to call that. He could make an elcor laugh, well that’s what Jo had said to him anyways. No matter how sad or angry a person was, Joker had a way of making them feel not-so shitty. “She may not have flesh and bone like the rest of us, or well an actual heart, but she didn’t want you to die of alcohol poisoning, so she sent me up.”

“I’m doing just fine, thank you.” Joker laughs audibly this time as she finishes off her glass, already reaching for the bottle as she offer him some. He takes another sip from the bottle as she pours another, putting the bottle back on the table and rests her elbows on her knees as she just looks at the drink between her fingers. Too much silence means too much thinking. She didn’t think it would hurt this bad. It was like someone cut a piece of her away, took it with them, and locked it away somewhere that they knew she couldn’t get to. She wanted to be angry, angry she can deal with easily. Sadness was a different league for her. It doesn’t come and go like she wants, and God, does she want that badly. She couldn’t ever deal with that heavy-hearted feeling, or the crying, or picking and choosing what and who is to blame for her depressed state. The worst is knowing who is to blame because it makes her think of everything that she could’ve done right. Let him help her, let him set up the distress signal, let him help her get Joker, or let him get Joker and she got the other passengers together. She closes her eyes as she gets the feeling in her body again, that ice-cold air cutting through her envirosuit, the air pinching in her lungs. She doesn’t realize she’s shaking until Joker puts his hand over hers. She can feel his stare as she opens her eyes. “How did I fuck this up so badly, Joker….” 

“You didn’t fuck anything up. Not a damn thing. You were dead, Jo. For two whole years, the galaxy moved on, your face was everywhere, memorials were already being built. I understand why he’s upset, I saw him after the pods landed and we all realized you really were gone. I never want to see him like that again, but he needs to understand too. It was hard for all of us, we all lost you, not just Kaidan. You guys had something. But all you did was wake up, that is it. I don’t know a damn thing about the afterlife or heaven or anything, but the second we talked, I knew that it was like two seconds passed for you,” She closes her eyes again, her nostrils flaring as she tries to swallow back the tears. She knows that a significant amount of time passed, she knows that it hurt all of them, but there’s got to be something that she can do to make them understand, to make him understand that she can’t make that same connection. “You’re here now, Jo. That’s all that matters to me, matters to Garrus and Chakwas. We know you’re trying, but it’s his turn to sit back and try to understand too. Anyone who knew you knew how much you cared about Kaidan, especially Kaidan and he just needs a bit more time, I guess. One day, you’re still dead and the next, he’s getting rumors that you aren’t. I can tell you that when I found out that they resurrected you, I puked. Like a lot.” She laughs lightly, shaking her head. He mentally pats himself on the back as he slings his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close to him. She leans her head on his shoulder, sipping from her glass and sighing.

“What if he never understands, Jeff? He thinks I’m Cerberus, that I’ve abandoned the Alliance and betrayed them. He hates me, you should’ve seen the way he was looking at me. It was like he didn’t even know me.” The sadness in her voice made his heart shatter as he took in a deep breath. 

“You’re an incredibly convincing person, you’ll figure something out. You’re one of the smartest, strongest people I’ve ever met and it’s killing me to see you like this right now. I’m not the most experienced person with relationships or anything like that since sex is hazardous to my health, but he still loves you, Josey, that much I know. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t care as much as he does. He also said that he was there to investigate the disappearances and that the Alliance thought it was Cerberus, so if he really didn’t care, he would’ve arrested you and brought you in for questioning. But he didn’t.” She smiles as she thinks on that and realizes that he really is right. Joker being right is a scary, scary thing, but he was. He knew exactly what to say to cheer her up, but he wasn’t the type of person that told you what you wanted to hear to make you happy. He was brutally honest and it made Jo happy knowing that she had someone like that around her who can smack her with reality when she needs it, and she needed it desperately. 

“Thank you, Jeff.” He leans his cheek on the top of her head as she squeezes her a bit tighter. She leans her arm over his torso and hugs him, feeling his body tense up as she lets go.

“Eh, I’m the galaxy’s greatest friend, it’s a hard title to uphold, but I’m working on it.”


End file.
